C&A Productions Presents

                  A Revolutionary Girl Utena Fanfic


                           Troubled Insects


                           By Chris McNeil



     It was hard to believe that things had changed at all.  How long
had it been?  Only two, no, three days.  It felt like I could have
blinked somewhere along the line and missed it.
     He left me a note.  Rose-scented.  It was very nice of him.
Beautiful script.  Very polite.  Expensive stationary.  Not the
slightest hint of contempt.  It had roses on it, too.  Even a bit
apologetic.
     I was going to throw it away.  But I think I'll keep it, just in
case I ever feel like being so stupid again.
     It's been a couple of days, and it could almost be like it never
happened.   Almost.  She never talks about it, of course.  But I've
seen the way she looks at me when we're there.  I stay away from her
now, most of the time.  I don't think she cares.  Aiko and Yuuko
certainly don't.  It's probably better for everybody that way.  It's
probably better if we just pretend it never happened.
     God, I'm so -stupid-.
     Did I ever really think that I was different than everyone else?
Did I ever really dream he anything he said to me was real?  Did I
ever really believe that he agreed to meet me because the letter I
gave him meant anything, that I was anything more than some cog in
whatever the hell he was trying to do to his sister?
     Oh god, I remember his touch.
     Was it really three days?
     I remember what it felt like to have his lips against mine.
     Did we really start it all, telling Nanami what we did?
     If he crooked his finger, would I come running again?
     It felt like a night's dream, evaporating the next morning.
     Of course I would.  We're all just fluttering insects, drawn to
his flame.
     Even you, Nanami.
     And you don't mean any more to him than any of us.  Do you
realise that, I wonder?  I think, deep down, you do.  I think that's
why you look at me the way you do.  Because seeing me reminds you of
what HE said, what HE did to you.  I remind you that in the end you're
just another insect to him, don't I?  That's why you've never said a
word about it to me, isn't it?  Because you and I know the truth.
Only you and I.
     I'm glad.  You'll never touch me again, Nanami.  There won't be
any punishments or ostracism this time.  Because I could tell people.
I could tell them everything.  And if I'm nobody, you're even worse
than that.  You're somebody most people hate.  People would believe me
and laugh behind your back.  You'd lose the only reason anybody ever
paid attention to you.  And you couldn't stand that.   No, you'll
never touch me again.  At least something good came out of all of
this.
     God, I was so stupid.
     "Hey there, you know that's gonna get cold, don't you?"
     Start.  I looked up; some girl was standing there, holding her
lunch.  She was...it took a moment to recognize her.  Utena Tenjou's
friend.  "What do you want?"
     "I just noticed you weren't eating your lunch, so I thought I'd
come over and wake you up."  She giggled.  "Well, you weren't asleep,
but you really looked like your mind was somewhere else."
     Right, I remember giving her an invitation to that party.  "Yeah,
I'm fine, I was just thinking about something..."
     She sat down uninvited, smiling at me.  "We're practically the
only ones here, y'know, mind if I sit with you?  Thanks.  I guess you
have this period off too?"
     Actually, I don't, but at least I know Nanami won't be eating at
this time, or my so-called friends.  I remember when I thought we
actually were friends.  It seems a long time ago...maybe we even
-were-, until...
     "Hey, you gonna eat that, or what?  It looks good, you know, you
shouldn't waste food.  My mother always said that someone who wastes
food will waste their life too, not that I ever quite saw the
connection, but that's my mom for you."
     I had to laugh.  How could somebody BE that cheerful?  "Sorry,
just had some stuff on my mind."
     Abruptly she looked more serious.  "You wanna talk about it?"
     Nosy, too.  I shook my head. "Sorry, but I don't think..."
     "It's the president, isn't it?"
     I turned to stare at her, dropping my rice.  "How did you..."
     "I saw you two together the other day, at a restaurant.  See a
girl with HIM, and a few days later she looks depressed, and it's not
too hard to figure out why."
     "You...interrupt a lot, don't you?"  I grinned, and this time she
laughed.  It was hard to get mad at her.
     "I guess I do.  Bad habit.  But it was him, wasn't it?"
     "Sort of.  It's kinda complicated, and I don't even know all of
what happened, really."
     She leaned forward, looking for all the world like she was
actually concerned.  "So tell me about it."
     "Well..."
     "Go on, do it!  Sorry. I did it again, didn't I?  But seriously,
it'll help to get it off your chest."  She waggled her finger at me.
"But start eating again too."
     I stared at her for a moment, then shrugged and told her the
story.  And ate, of course.  I even told her about what happened in
the rose garden.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because she was right; it
did feel good to tell someone.
     When the story was over, she looked angry.  "That's even worse
than what I thought of him!  He might be the Student Council
President, but if you ask me, he's a big fat jerk!"
     I don't think I'd ever heard any girl talk about the President
that way.  Even if I felt like agreeing.  "Well, he's -not- fat."
     She humphed, sitting back.  "Ooh, you know what I mean!  Besides,
he might be good-looking, but he's not the best guy on campus."
     I grinned at her again.  "So, who do you think IS?  I'll tell you
now, cross-dressing jockettes don't count."
     She stuck her tongue out.  "Don't say that about my Utena-sama!
She's cool, and she's a great friend."
     "But not an ideal guy."
     "Of course not!"
     "So who's your ideal Ohtori guy, then?"
     "Well, I..." she hesitated for a moment, then said, "Well, have
you ever seen the deputy chairman?"
     I shook my head.  "Nanami was staying in his wing while she was
hiding out from her brother, but I never went there, so I never saw
him.  Is he good-looking?"
     "He's totally dreamy.  He's tall, dark, handsome, nice, sweet,
has eyes to DIE for, a body to KILL for, and just about everything
else you could want, except that he's taken.  He's got a fiancee."
She sighed wistfully.  "Still, I'm jealous of Utena-sama.  She's
living in the wing, too, 'cause she's friends with his sister.  She
sees him all the time."
     "Huh.  Lucky her."
     "Yeah, lucky...hey, how'd we get onto this?  I was talking about
the President!  You know, guys like him just lower the value of men
everywhere."
     I looked away.  "Maybe you're right...but I can't stay angry with
him, even now.  I guess it sounds silly, but it's hard to explain to
somebody else."
     "No, I know what you mean."  I looked back and saw her picking at
her food absently, looking more depressed than angry.  "I know exactly
what you mean."
     "Maybe you have something -you- want to talk about?"
     She jumped a little; I think she'd almost forgotten I was there.
"No!  I mean, maybe, but I don't really want to..."
     "I hear it helps to get this stuff off your chest."  I didn't
-quite- smirk at her.
     She stared at me for a moment, then got it and laughed again.
Had to admit, nothing seemed to keep her down.  "Well, okay, you got
me there.  But you can't tell anybody about it."
     "Deal, but only if you don't tell anybody about me."
     "Deal!"  And so she told me.  Quite a story, too.
     "So THAT'S what happened to him.  Everybody's been wondering.
You can sure pick your opportunities."
     She coloured.  "Well, it was...well, I couldn't just -leave- him,
not when he was all alone like that."
     "Maybe you should have.  The jerk would have deserved it."  I
surprised myself with how angry I was.  "I mean, was he blind or just
an idiot?  To repay you like that..."
     "He's not -that- bad," she said quickly.  "I mean, he sent me a
really nice tea set..."
     I cut her off with a wave of my hand, standing.  "After giving
the present he promised for -you- to a mope like Anthy Himemiya?  Face
it, the Vice-President might be handsome, but he's a self-absorbed
macho jerk and I can't understand why anybody'd spend any more time
with him then they'd have to."
     She jumped to her feet, waving a fist.  "Yeah, well, the
President might be nice to look at, but he's a giant walking, talking,
gloating, womanizing ego that just happens to look like a man, and I
wouldn't go out with him even if it was a requirement to pass my
exams!"
     For a moment we stood there, glaring at each other.  I'm not sure
which of us started laughing first, but after a few moments we both
had to sit again to avoid falling over.
     "Well," I managed to gasp out eventually, "we're quite a pair,
aren't we?"
     "Yeah," she agreed through a burst of giggles, "two lovesick
girls ready to defend our own very manly if unworthy man to the death
while killing the other one.  I think we should team up or something."
     I thought for a moment.  "I know.  We could join the kendo club!"
     "Right!" she agreed enthusiastically.  "We'll kick both their
butts!"  She pantomimed waving a sword.  "The flower of womanhood
betrayed, returned to smite their tormentors!"  A grandiose slash.
"Take THIS, Touga-sama, you unfaithful tub of lard!"
     I countered with a stab from a chopstick.  "Taste my sword,
Saionji-sama, you two-timing posturing wimp!"
     She started giggling again, pointing at the chopstick-turned-
sword.  "Tastes like...takoyaki!"  That got me going again; a few more
minutes passed before we managed to get ourselves quite under control.
Her face was flushed, and her hair had come a bit out of place.  I
couldn't see myself, of course, but I guess I looked much the same.
Curse of womanhood, I guess, to get mussed so easily just by letting
yourself be human for a few moments.
     Finally I said, "We better get going.  There's only a few minutes
left before next class."  I got up and bowed.  "Thanks for the talk.
I feel much better."  And the weird thing was, I did.
     She stood and bowed as well.  "Hey, no problem!  Thanks for
putting up with me, too.  Utena-sama says I talk too much sometimes,
but I think we both got our share today."  We both laughed again.
"Hey, wanna go out shopping or something this weekend?"
     "Sure."   Shopping with her definitely beat hanging around the
dorm and wondering when Yuuko would show up.  "But I get to choose the
places.  One thing you have to give Nanami, she knows all the best
clothing stores, even if she makes YOU do her shopping for her."
     "No problem!  I'll see you then!"  She bobbed her head and turned
to rush out, but suddenly spun around to face me again.  "Oh, wait, we
were never properly introduced, were we?  I'm Wakaba Shinohara!"
     "I know," I smiled.  "And I'm Keiko Sonada."
     She winked at me.  "I know."  She turned again, throwing a
careless wave.  "Well, see you later!"
     As she dashed off, I gathered up the remnants of lunch...
including Wakaba's, since it looked like she'd forgot.  I was still
smiling, and my sides hurt from laughter.  It felt good.  It felt...
like friendship.  Or the beginning of one, at least.
     That night, when I got home, I threw away the letter.  Maybe even
the stupidest things you do can turn out well, in the end.


Finis.